Halloween

Haloween is a funny thing in New York, and even moreso in a Catholic University. Right now I'm sitting in the library, doing some research (working very hard, can ya tell?). Right across from me is a chick with a red yarn wig, which I'm assuming is her way of dressing up as Raggedly Ann, and not as a frum Jew. And along the halls here, are posters about times the school is having mass for All Saint's Day tomorrow.

Animal Cruelty - For Real This Time

My co-worker is reading a book about the cruelties done to animals that are used to feed people. From the few things I let him tell me, I honestly think I'm going to be a vegetarian. Maybe ignorance really is bliss.

Animal Cruelty Revisited

My boss just walked in with her male dog...wearing a tutu. Yes, the dog is wearing the tutu, not my boss. Poor, poor dog. I'm thinking about reporting it.

As a completely unrelated point, I asked my co-worker what a male ballerina is called, because in previous conversations, the answer has not been found. Well, apparently Google is not only my friend, but a lot of people's. (It's okay, I can share.) According to Google's expertise, you may call him a ballerino or a danseur in Europe, and in the US, you can call him either a male dancer or a "poofy nancy boy who wears tights".

Spam

I don't understand e-mail spam. We get an enormous amount of spam on our work e-mail account (probably due in part to the fact that I have a co-worker who uses our main work account on Craigslist and other such sites). But the spam has gotten literary these days. This morning, two of the spam messages have included nothing other than various lines from Jane Austen books. Weird.

Fun at Work???

My office has been getting more and more fun these days. On Friday, I got to engage in arts and crafts. One of our clients decided to give each of their employees a pumpkin to celebrate Halloween and I got to help make the Happy Halloween tags for them - it was fun. Then today, I got to help decorate the office for Halloween, stringing spider webs up on the windows. And now we have an almost 3-year-old visitor. Wow! This can hardly be described as work!

Ugh!

I just got a speeding ticket. I haven't gotten a ticket in YEARS, like since I lived in Alabama and was still a teenager - a LONG time. Ugh.

What's even more annoying is that, when I asked the cop whether the speed limit (which is ridiculously low) is posted anywhere, he responded and said that since it was a residential area, it didn't have to be. Ummm, does the state of New Jersey really expect me to know, offhand: a) what the speed limit in residential areas is, and b) what areas exactly are zoned as residential? Crazy.

At least the cop did me a "favor" and wrote down a lower speed than he actually got me on radar going. Saved me three whole points (which I've never understood anyway, since they don't have them down South, and I haven't gotten a ticket since I lived there).

Ugh.

Random Thoughts

This is done much better by Jack, but right now I'm running on very little sleep and haven't done a post like this in a while, so why not?

- I don't understand why people (or at least the person I saw this morning on the bus) feel the need to wear sunglasses before the sun comes up.

- It's really cold. Brrr.

- Sleeping from after midnight until 4:30 AM is not enough sleep. Someone please inform my body of this. On a positive note, I've coined a new term. "Walking into walls tired." It has a certain ring to it.

- On another positive note, I am having a great hair day. And it's not just my opinion, it was confirmed by one of my co-workers.

- I'm a spazz. There was a new keybox thingy installed at my house. I figured out how to open it, but couldn't, for the life of me, figure out how to close it. I'm a spazz.

- My dad loves me. He sent me not only season one, but now season two of Grey's Anatomy on DVD. I'm psyched about that one.

- I had to lead my group counseling class last night for our session. I actually didn't have to do so much work. It was the first time our group really stepped away from being theoretical and opened up. However, my instructor confirmed my feelings that while I have good insight into what's going on in the group, I don't yet have the confidence to steer the group in the direction it needs to focus. I wish I could write a bit more about it, but it's confidential. But I do think that, with some more practice, I could actually make a good group facilitator.

- Have a good weekend!

Tired

I'm having one of those morning where I really want to go to work in my pajamas. They are so comfortable and cozy. And no one in my office would care. Sigh. Gotta go get dressed.

AOTD

The artwork of the day is a piece that I have on my wall - the innocence just really touches me.

"A Pair of Shoes" by Van Gogh:

LOTD

I have a music exchange going on with a friend, and today's included "Crazy" by Aerosmith, which is an old time favorite, so here ya go:

Come Here baby
You know you drive me up a wall the way you make good on all the nasty tricks you pull
Seems like we're makin' up more than we're makin' love
And it always seems you got somn' on your mind other than me
Girl, you got to change your crazy ways
You hear me

Say you're leavin' on a seven thirty train and that you're headin' out to Hollywood
Girl you been givin' me that line so many times it kinda gets like feelin' bad looks good

That kinda lovin'
Turns a man to a slave
That kinda lovin'
Sends a man right to his grave...

Chorus:
I go crazy, crazy, baby, I go crazy
You turn it on
Then you're gone
Yeah you drive me
Crazy, crazy, crazy, for you baby
What can I do, honey
I feel like the color blue...

You're packin' up your stuff and talkin' like it's tough and tryin' to tell me that it's time to go
But I know you ain't wearin' nothin' underneath that overcoat
And it's all a show

That kind of lovin'
Makes me wanna pull
Down the shade, yeah
That kind of lovin'
Yeah now I'm never, never, never, never gonna be the same
Chorus

I'm losin' my mind, girl
Cause I'm goin' crazy

I need your love, honey
I need your love

Crazy, crazy, crazy, I go crazy
You turn it on
Then you're gone
Yeah you drive me
Crazy, crazy, crazy, for you baby
I'm losin' my mind, girl
ÔCause I'm goin' crazy
Crazy, crazy, crazy for you baby
You turn it on, then your gone
Yeah you drive me

Security Measures

Yahoo! has been implementing a lot of security measures lately. I have noticed a new security seal where you choose a picture to verify that the site you are using is legit, and yesterday, it offered a word verification before I sent an e-mail to attempt to stop spammers. They are really going to quite the lengths to make their users feel secure. (I have to admit that I find these measures slightly annoying as I just want to send e-mails, not have to go through a whole process to do so.)

What I think is ironic is that I also just noticed that in my e-mails, they highlight certain key words within the e-mail to offer helpful information such as maps or links. This makes me feel less secure, knowing that there is some way they are screening my e-mails for content. (I know Yahoo isn't the only system doing this, as Gmail puts ads on the sidebar that correspond to the content of your e-mails, but I'm very good at ignoring sidebars.) I just want them to leave me alone - just let me use my e-mail without any kind of special screening, ads or anything else. Is that too much to ask for?

Role Reversal

It's weird when you switch roles with your parents. Not that I've ever had to be a parent. But when you have to give your parents perspective on issues, rather than the other way around. When you have to offer things for them to think about. When you offer suggestions to help change ineffective occurrences. I'm not sure how I feel about it - it makes me feel like a grown up.

LOTD

Edwni McCain, I Want It All:

"She's got an inner child
A little tame and a whole lot of wild.
But as crazy as it is, it is who she is.
And she smiles and she frowns.
She's sunshine and she's clouds.
Emotional to say the least, but that's ok with me.

CHORUS:
'Cuz when I fell, I fell hard for every part.
From the beauty in her eyes to the love that's in her heart.
The good, the bad, the happy and the sad.
Her perfections, her every little flaw. I want it all.

And she found some new laugh lines.
But whenever she asks me, it's only beauty that I see.

CHORUS:
'Cuz when I fell, I fell hard for every part.
From the beauty in her eyes to the love that's in her heart.
The good, the bad, the happy and the sad.
Her perfections, her every little flaw. I want it all.

And when she falls asleep I know she'll dream a little dream of me.
And in the morning she will see that it's easy to believe.

CHORUS:
'Cuz when I fell, I fell hard for every part.
From the beauty in her eyes to the love that's in her heart.
The good, the bad, the happy and the sad.
Her perfections, her every little flaw. I want it all.

I want it all, the good the bad, the happy and the sad (repeat until end)

Animal Cruelty

My boss just finished telling everyone that she is going to dress her male dog up in a ballerina costume for Halloween. And then she is going to parade him through the streets for everyone's amusement. Not joking. Poor dog.

LOTD

Back to John Mayer today, this one is "In Repair"

In Repair

Too many shadows in my room
too many hours in this midnight
too many corners in my mind
so much to do to set my heart right

Oh its taking so long
i could be wrong
i could be ready
Oh but if I take my heart's advice
I should assume, it's still unsteady
I am in repair
I am in repair
Stood on the corner for awhile
To wait for the wind to blow down on me
Hope that it takes with it my old ways
And brings some brand new luck upon me
Oh its taking to long
i could be wrong
i could be ready
Oh but if I take my heart's advice
I should assume, it's still unsteady

I am in repair
I am in repair

Ohhhh

Now i'm walking in the park
all of the birds they dance below me
maybe when things turn green again
it will be good to say you know me

Oh its taking to long
i could be wrong
i could be ready
Oh but if I take my heart's advice
I should assume, it's still unready
never really ready
I'm never really ready
I'm in repair
Im not together
but im getting there

I'm in repair
Im not together
but im getting there

I'm in repair
Im not together
but im getting there

I'm in repair
Im not together
but im getting there

Death Penalty

Just read this article about a Texas inmate who killed himself shortly before he was scheduled to be killed by the state. I'm not sure why it's such a tragedy that he died a few hours before schedule, but it is, and it horrifies me in many ways. I've never known quite what to think about the death penalty. This inmate claimed his innocence, so is the state killing an innocent man? But on the other hand, it is right to keep alive those who have killed and ruined the lives of others? And to have taxpayers bear the brunt for it? The man was my age, I can't even imagine what his life must have been like to put him in such circumstances.

Almost Done

It's been a long day. Having not gotten enough sleep, I dragged myself through; quite a valiant effort. But I'm finding myself, now, at only 10:15 at night, being overwhelmed by those things that usually don't phase me a bit - folding laundry, cutting my nails, responding to e-mails and IMs. I think it's almost time for sleep (I hope).

AOTD

by Jackson Pollock. I'm not always the biggest fan of modern art, but some of it I just love. And Jackson Pollock's is some of what I love. This one is called "Ocean Grayness" and it matches the sky today. Enjoy!

Clarity

Sometimes in life, you get a glimspe of clarity, of perspective. You get to see why something that you once thought would happen, didn't. And you realize, it's really, really, without a doubt, for the best. And it's good :)

LOTD

Indigo Girls - 'nuf said.

Closer to Fine

Im trying to tell you something about my life
Maybe give me insight between black and white
And the best thing youve ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously
Its only life after all
Yeah

Well darkness has a hunger thats insatiable
And lightness has a call thats hard to hear
I wrap my fear around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it
Im crawling on your shores

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains
Theres more than one answer to these questions
Pointing me in a crooked line
And the less I seek my source for some definitive
(the less I seek my source)
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine

And I went to see the doctor of philosophy
With a poster of rasputin and a beard down to his knee
He never did marry or see a b-grade movie
He graded my performance, he said he could see through me
I spent four years prostrate to the higher mind
Got my paper and I was free

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains
Theres more than one answer to these questions
Pointing me in a crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
(the less I seek my source)
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine

I stopped by the bar at 3 a.m.
To seek solace in a bottle or possibly a friend
And I woke up with a headache like my head against a board
Twice as cloudy as Id been the night before
And I went in seeking clarity.

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains
Yeah we go to the doctor, we go to the mountains
We look to the children, we drink from the fountains
Yeah we go to the bible, we go through the workout
We read up on revival and we stand up for the lookout
Theres more than one answer to these questions
Pointing me in a crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
(the less I seek my source)
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine

Cause and Effect

AKA - Why not to speak lashon hara (literal translation - evil speech).

It's been quite a nice, quiet morning. Then I said something not terribly nice about my boss who only comes in to the office twice a week. Not 5 minutes later she called me, asking me to do a bunch of stuff. Coincidence? I think not. I think I'm going to watch what I say much more in the future.

Why I'm the Computer Expert in my Office

My co-worker asks me for help with her computer - it won't start. I take a look, and explain to her that the error message telling her "Remove non-system disk" means she must remove the floppy disk that is in the computer.

Expert status secure.

Starting Off on the Right Foot

I'm having a hard time with the fact that it's already Monday, and I had no day to relax and get my errands done (you'd think I would be used to it after this whole month of holidays). But one of my co-workers just helped me get my week started off on a good note - she gave me some pretty yellow daisies with red stripes in them for my desk. It's nice to have something pretty sitting on my desk.

Cold

Overnight, it became quite cold out :( The cold does not make this Southern girl very happy. However, to make the best of a bad situation, I've decided it's time to buy a new winter hat. Preferably one that sparkles (and when I say that, I mean that the sparkles really are much more important than warmth). Any suggestions for places to buy a sparkly hat will be carefully considered.

AOTD - Artwork of the Day

Now, for a new feature, I'm going to share my artwork of the day, since I like art almost as much as I like music. Van Gogh is my favorite painter, only in part because he was completely crazy. His artwork just VIBRATES with energy and feeling. My calendar is a Van Gogh calendar, and this piece, "The Mulberry Tree" is October's painting.

My Alarm Clock

I have an unusual relationship with my alarm clock. Most people hear their alarms go off, and either roll over and go back to sleep or curse the fact that it's time to wake up when they hear it. I'm rarely still asleep when my alarm goes off. So, when I am already awake and it goes off, I just kinda get annoyed about the fact that I've been awake for as long as I have. The other morning I actually did sleep until my alarm went off, and I was happy to hear it, because it meant that I actually slept. And this morning, when it went off, and I was still asleep, I was just confused about that noise next to my head. And then I realized, "It's time to get up!"

LOTD

Counting Crows version.

This is one of my top three Counting Crows songs, just beautiful.

Goodnight Elisabeth

I was wasted in the afternoon
Waiting on a train
I woke up in pieces and elisabeth had disappeared again
I wish you were inside of me
I hope that you’re ok
I hope you’re resting quietly
I just wanted to say

Goodnight elisabeth
Goodnight elisabeth

We couldn’t all be cowboys
So some of us are clowns
Some of us are dancers on the midway
We roam from town to town
I hope that everybody can find a little flame
Me, I say my prayers, then I just light myself on fire
And I walk out on the wire once again
And I say

Goodnight elisabeth
Goodnight elisabeth

I will wait for you in baton rouge
I’ll miss you down in new orleans
I’ll wait for you while she slips in something comfortable
And I’ll miss you when I’m slipping in between
If you wrap yourself in daffodils
I will wrap myself in pain
And if you’re the queen of california
Baby I am the king of the rain
And I say

Goodnight elisabeth
Goodnight elisabeth

Cut

Ok, this is going to be a very vague post (for privacy reasons) but I just realized that I have managed to sever ties (I think) to a person with whom at one time I thought I was inextricably linked. That's not to say for sure that the cut is positively and completely permanent, and that I will never, in any way, cross paths with the person in question again (because the world is just ridiculously small at times), but in my head and heart, it's done. It's weird how someone that you once thought you would never be without, at least in some capacity, can be gone. And it can be good.

Aftermath

I've been reading accounts of the plane that crashed in the building in Manhattan today. A building not so close, but not that far, from my office. I wasn't anywhere near New York on September 11, but today I got a very slim idea of what it must have been like. It was scary. It's extremely rare that I feel this way, but today I wanted cable TV so that I could turn on CNN, and Fox News and see what was happening. Yes, I could read everything on the Internet, see videos there, and watch the network news stations, but I wanted more. I wanted constant info. And for me, who is just not that into current events (though I am aware of what's going on in the world), it's a big thing to want to watch every second of it. I was shaken today.

Plane Hits Building on Upper East Side

Whoa. And more whoa.

Really freaky is that my co-worker swears that he had a really vivid dream last night about a plane hitting a building. Very spooky.

Sigh...

For so many reasons.

Definition of Yeshivish

I was on the bus today, minding my own business, listening to my Ipod, and trying to get a bit of a nap, when I couldn't help overhearing the two frum guys behind me and their discussion about the Upper West Side, dating, marriage and yeshivish people. Partly because I'm nosy, and partly because I view anything said on a public bus as fair game (when will people learn that their conversations could end up here?), I decided to listen in a bit. The consensus of the guy who (I think) was married was that, no matter how many people live on the Upper West Side, it's the place to not get married. The single guy was convinced that he wanted to move there (quite a bit of discussion ensued about that).

The funniest thing that was said was when they were discussing the definition of yeshivish. After a long, drawn out description of what yeshivish people wear (white shirt, black pants), the key to figuring out who exactly qualifies for yeshivish was determined by the married guy.

According to him, "Yeshivish people will have a gemara under their arms, but no smiles on their faces. They don't encourage smiling."

There ya go, folks - if you want to know a yeshivish person from a modern one, look for the ones who don't know how to smile.

5 AM

5:00 AM is not my friend. This morning, 5 AM tricked me into thinking that it was 6 AM, and a normal hour to be awake. See, when I woke up at 4:18 this morning, I knew it was too early. But when 5 came closer, and I had yet to fall back asleep, I gave up, thinking that it was time to wake up anyway, my alarm goes off then. Oh, but it doesn't, it goes off at 6, a full hour later. So when 6 actually did come around, with me wide awake, having showered and coffeed (yes, I made that up), I realized that I still had quite some time before having to venture out into the world. And that's when I got kinda upset at 5. Because it fooled me. Which is not nice to do in the middle of the night.

Awww

I watch one TV show. I have to admit that I'm a little addicted to it (but I wouldn't freak out if I didn't get to see it or anything). It's Grey's Anatomy. My dad also likes the show, so we bond over talking about it (since I don't follow sports that much anymore). Just cuz, he sent me the first season on DVD. Just cuz he knew I like it.

LOTD

I don't know that the lyrics of the day are so profound, but I just really, really like this song by Nickelback...

Far Away

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there’s just one left
‘Cause you know,
you know, you know

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you’ll be with me
and you’ll never go
Stop breathing if
I don’t see you anymore

On my knees, I’ll ask
Last chance for one last dance
‘Cause with you, I’d withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I’d give it all
I’d give for us
Give anything but I won’t give up
‘Cause you know,
you know, you know

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you’ll be with me
and you’ll never go
Stop breathing if
I don’t see you anymore

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
‘Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
‘Cause I’m not leaving
Hold on to me and
never let me go

So Cool

Wish I could have been here. So cool.

Cool Hats

I managed to grace two different Baltimore shuls with my presence this past Yom Tov. When I lived in Baltimore, I must admit that it was rare for me to be seen in shul, but since moving to Passaic, I go almost every week, so I felt the need to go for Yom Tov. Baltimore is blessed with some wonderful rabbeim, and a few shuls even have a women's section that allows women to see what's happening, which is my main criteria for attending. The first day I attended Bnai Jacob Shaarei Zion. The davening there was fairly uneventful. The second day I went to Shomrei Emunah. I ended up in the middle of a row of older women who took turns quizzing me about where I was living, how long I was staying for, who I was staying with, what I do, etc., etc. At least they were friendly. Looking around at Shomrei, I have to say that the women there know how to do hats. It was definitely the most colorful, classy array of hats I have seen in shul in a long time.

Rough Morning

Got in last night after 1:00 AM. My alarm failed to go off this morning, necessitating my getting ready in approximately 15 minutes before running out the door. I got to work, and managed to break a coffee pot all over the floor. It's dead quiet in my office - there are only three of us here at the moment. I think it's naptime.

Further Reflection

Upon further reflection on the previous post (this time at a more normal, but still quite early hour), I have decided that, especially in comparison to some others whom I have met, I am not a nerd.

Early or Late?

It's 4 in the morning, so I'm not sure if it's really early or really late. I couldn't sleep, so I decided to do my homework that I hadn't finished for today, actually (was going to say tomorrow). Scarily, my head is clear enough to do it and ramble on using big words regardless of the hour. Though often I seem to use big words when I'm tired. I think it's because when I'm not tired I specifically attempt not to use big words because I was taught that you should be understandable to everyone, especially in writing. But when I'm tired I don't have the energy to think up the alternate, smaller words when the bigger ones just come to mind and fit so perfectly. Not that this post is any indication of my writing skills and/or enlarged nocturnal vocabulary. I guess it wouldn't actually be a noctural vocabulary anyway, because it isn't necessary for it to be late for me to be tired. I guess more accurately, it would be my insomniac-inspired, sleep deprivation-encouraged enlarged vocabulary. Anyway, this post is getting more random by the minute. The point is, I really like school, and even at this hour, I can get excited about it. I think I'm a nerd.

Darkness

I've never understood Daylight Savings Time. I always thought it was backwards - it already gets dark early, and once we change our clocks, it's going to get dark an hour earlier. All of a sudden, with my new sleep (or non-sleep) schedule, that apparently includes me waking up at ridiculously early hours (not on purpose), when it's still dark, and still dark for a really long time after I wake up, I understand Daylight Savings Time. (Phew! I think that was quite the run-on sentence.) For the first time ever, I totally get why people would want it to be light earlier in the morning. It's hard waking up in the dark.

Sukkah

I came home last night (way too late to be up as early as I was this morning) to see a sukkah erected in my backyard. It's so exciting! I've never had a sukkah right on the premises of where I lived before. Not that I'm going to be around to use it much, but I just think it's really cool. It's nice living in a house with frum families.

My Brother

My brother just called me to tell me that he fasted yesterday. No food, no drink, nothing. He called me because he knew I would be happy, and proud of him, and I really am.

Unity

This post illustrates one of the reasons I like and miss Baltimore so much.

Embarrassed

I wasn't planning on writing any more before Yom Kippur, but I just heard a story that made me so sad and embarrassed that I just feel the need to pass it on.

A friend of mine went to get gas for her car here in Passaic at one of the gas stations on our Main Avenue. In New Jersey, it's a law that the attendants have to pump your gas for you, i.e. full serve. However, her car was acting up and was requiring constant attention, so she told the attendant that she would take care of it, and she got out of the car and filled the tank herself.

After she was done, the attendant came up to her and asked her if she was Jewish. She answered that she was. He told her that he hadn't been sure, because she was so nice to him. He said that most of the Jewish people who came to the gas station acted like he didn't even exist. Didn't speak to him, look at him, nothing. And if they did, it was very negatively. He said he felt like they saw him as less than human, as a monkey. He went on and on, while my friend tried to give some unsatisfactory reasoning for the behavior of her fellow Jews.

I was so sad to hear this story. In a community such as Passaic, where there are non-Jews who live right next to myself, and a lot of other Jews, it's embarrassing to hear that this is the attitude we are seen as having - as looking at others as if they are not human, rather than treating everyone with respect.

Even if this attendant's report is exaggerated, that his perception is much worse than the truth, he has been treated poorly by his Jewish customers, of that I have no doubt. And now he is surprised by a Jew who is polite. Which is terrible.

I think we each (Jew and non-Jew for that matter) should take a step back and look at how we treat others and what conclusions they might draw from our actions. I hate the idea that an Orthodox Jewish community is seen by its neighbors as treating everyone horribly, as sub-human. That is certainly not what G-d intended.

Statistics

I was reading this week's Newsweek over Shabbos. They had a blurb about how a majority of Americans viewed sex as a religious, spiritual experience. I was surprised at the statistics quoted, for several reasons, including that I think many people just don't view sex as a religious thing at all, and I was surprised at the high numbers quoted because I see such a retreat from religion in most of the Americans I meet.

Then I looked a little closer at the article. Being a student who went through a rigorous statistics and research program in undergrad, I was taught to look very critically at statistics. The article was drawn from an online survey on the website Beliefnet. So, basically, good reasoning for the statistics quoted in the article is the fact that those who went to that site are interested in religion to begin with, so the numbers quoted are quite biased. Additionally, they did specify that these were numbers of Americans; however, there was nothing saying if the website made any kind of screening to make sure that the respondents were, in fact, American, when the truth is, anyone in the world could have completed the poll.

So, basically, when I looked at the article a little critically, it was full of holes. Good lesson.