Overload

I love school, it's what I have chosen to focus on at this point. But I'm finding it a bit overwhelming at the moment. My classes each require small, but persistent assignments to be turned in each week. None of them take an incredible amount of time (that's left to the end of the semester), but it takes constant awareness of what I should be working on for the next class. And I'm finding it difficult to keep up, especially as my workload at work has actually gotten to be fairly full. I hope I make it!

LOTD

This is part two of the John Mayer edition of LOTD, also from his new album Continuum. (I could do about a month of John Mayer, but I'll try to mix it up.

Dreaming With a Broken Heart

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part

You roll out of bed and down on your knees
and for a moment you can hardly breathe
Wondering was she really here
Is she standing in my room?

No, she's not
cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone.

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The giving up is the hardest part

She takes you in with her crying eyes
then all at once you have to say goodbye
wondering could you stay my love
will you wake up by my side?

No, she can't
cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone.

Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my, roses in my hands?
Would you get them if I did?

No, you won't
Cause you're gone, gone, gone, gone, gone.

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
the waking up is the hardest part.

Thoughtful

Once again, I am touched by how thoughtful my co-workers are. One of my co-workers noticed that I had been coughing all afternoon. He had some cough drops that he wanted to offer me. He took the initiative to look up on the Internet whether they were kosher or not before offering them to me. Then he specifically showed me the website they were listed on (Star-K, that works for me!) and gave me them. So thoughtful.

Taking the High Road

It is so hard sometimes to take the high road. Especially when someone is trying to goad you into sinking. It pulls and pulls. But you know that in the end, it's better to keep your mouth shut completely and walk away, maybe not the victor, but with your integrity intact.

Childish Behavior

I DESPISE being spoken to like I am a child. It makes me want to hang up on the phone with the person who is speaking to me as such. Which I guess is kinda child-like.

Left-Brained

I took an online test and it labeled me as being "Left-brained." Here are excerpts from the description:

"Typically, left-brained individuals like you feel most at ease and in control in situations requiring verbal ability, attention to detail, and in-depth, linear, analytical ability. Writing ability and sequential processes of thought are also traits associated with left-brained individuals.

You are probably methodical and efficient at many things that you do. You could also be good at math which is based on very strict rules that don't vary terribly much. Numbers are sequential and formulas don't change which is something your left brain can identify with. Because of this, you probably tend to break things down into their constituent parts instead of looking at the whole of a picture. Left-brained people also are likely to rely more on objective observations than subjective feelings. For this reason, you might find that for pleasure reading, you're more interested in the facts of nonfiction instead of the free-flow of fiction.

You probably think about things that are more straightforward and practical instead of things that are more symbolic and abstract. The one rule you're certain about in life is that there is always an answer if you approach a problem with your systematic and organized thoughts."

Okay, so I know it's a silly online test, but I have to admit that I was surprised by the results. It's true that I am very good at math, and have good logical thinking skills (when I'm being tested on it, not so much in life). But I also really consider myself an abstract, big-picture, type of thinker (and I am NOT good at details or linear thinking). I think I need a different test.

Asking for Forgiveness

I have a big apology to make to someone, and I'm not quite sure how to word it. It's a delicate situation that could lead to undesired outcomes, which is why I have to be so careful. It might take a few drafts, and I need some undistracted time to think about it, which is hard to manage these days. If only I could put myself in a bubble for a few hours...

LOTD

This LOTD is the John Mayer edition. From his brand new album "Continuum," which I have been enjoying immensely, this song, which he played at his concert I saw last month, is excellent.

The Heart of Life


The Heart Of Life

I hate to see you cry
Lying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
so turn off your tears
and listen

Pain throws your heart to the ground
love turns the whole thing around
no it wont all go the way
it should
but I know the heart of life is good

You know it's nothin new
bad news never had good timing
then the circle of your friends
will defend the silver lining

Pain throws your heart to the ground
love turns the whole thing around
fear is a friend who is
misunderstood
but the heart of life is good
I know its good, i know its good
oh i know its good

oh i do i do i do

oh i know its good

Fasting

I really miss my coffee. Head is hurting, thinking is taking quite a bit of effort. No fun :(

New Phone

I got a new cell phone. It's silver, and slim. I don't know how to use it yet. Hopefully I'll figure it out really soon. I think I have a toy to play with tonight.

Gradations

Lesson from class tonight - It amazes me the spectrum of gradations amongst even one construct. In one aspect, people can be similar, but so different. One type, but on opposite ends of the spectrum. All the same, but completely different. Outsiders would lump everyone together; insiders would be quick to point out to discrepancy. Maybe we should all try being color-blind?

LOTD

Today's (okay, the day is almost over, but it still counts) lyrics of the day (I'm thinking about trademarking that - anyone think it's taken yet?) come to you from Temple of the Dog, a short-lived, amazing group that was a combination of Pearl Jam and Soundgarden (the former still rocking, the latter ended several years ago), and that I recently rediscovered thanks to iMesh (think that's enough parenthetical phrases for one sentence?):

Say Hello to Heaven (if you can find a audio clip, try it, it's beautiful)

Please, mother mercy
Take me from this place
And the long winded curses
I keep hearing in my head
Words never listen
And teachers never learn
Now Im warm from the candle
But I feel too cold to burn
He came from an island
And he died from the street
He hurt so bad like a soul breaking
But he never said nothing to me
So say hello to heaven

New like a baby
Lost like a prayer
The sky was your playground
But the cold ground was your bed
Poor stargazer
Shes got no tears in her eyes
Smooth like whisper
She knows that love heals all wounds with time
Now it seems like too much love
Is never enough, you better seek out
Another road cause this one has
Ended abrupt, say hello to heaven

I never wanted
To write these words down for you
With the pages of phrases
Of things well never do
So I blow out the candle, and
I put you to bed
Since you cant say to me
Now how the dogs broke your bone
Theres just one thing left to be said
Say hello to heaven

Good Music

I'm up late because I get to sleep in tomorrow. I'm sitting here surfing, as I often do before going to sleep, and I have the radio on in the background (I don't do well without some kind of background noise). The radio station I am listening to (sorry, don't know the name but the number is 95.5) has been playing one favorite song after the other. I feel like I'm listening to my I-pod. If they keep this up, I'm never going to sleep. But I'll enjoy it.

Israeli Pullout Delayed

Just read this article from Yahoo News, which seems to imply that it's a bad things that Israel may take an extra couple days before completely pulling out of Lebanon. What I don't understand is why Hizbollah isn't having to make huge excuses for not yet returning the soldiers that they kidnapped months ago. When are these kids coming home? And why on earth is Israel retreating without getting their objectives met? I just don't get it.

Psychic Friends

No, I'm not talking about transferring my paycheck to the Psychic Friends Network to tell me who, astrologically, I should marry. I have a friend who, everytime I am thinking about her, or am meaning to call her, gives me a call or sends me an e-mail out of the blue. And it's not one of those people I talk to every day anyway. She absolutely has some kind of intuition about when I am thinking about her. It's really remarkable.

Sparkly Pens In Action

I love my sparkly pens, but I have refrained from buying them the past couple semesters, mainly because I have so many that there aren't a whole lot of new colors for me to purchase. But I continue to make sure my backpack is well-stocked for taking notes and filling out all those official forms in purple or green.

Tonight, for the first time, my sparkly pens actually came in really handy. I'm taking a class in which we are studying many of the different psychological tests. Throughout the semester our professor will be giving us several of these tests to complete. Tonight, we completed our first one - a creativity test.

The test consisted of three different pages in which we were given different shapes and lines and circles and given ten minutes to creativity make them into a picture that told some kind of story.

Never content with plain old black or blue ink, I whipped out my collection of pens and proceeded to paint sparkly, colorful pictures all over that test. It was so much fun. I'll be interested to see what those test results say about me!

LOTD

Today's lyrics come from Shinedown (but the song was actually originally done by Lynyrd Skynyrd - I know, I'm a traitor to the South).

Simple Man

Mama told me when I was young
Come sit beside me, my only son
And listen closely to what I say.
And if you do this
It will help you some sunny day.
Take your time... Don't live too fast,
Troubles will come and they will pass.
Go find a woman and you'll find love,
And don't forget son,
There is someone up above.

(Chorus)
And be a simple kind of man.
Be something you love and understand.
Be a simple kind of man.
Won't you do this for me son,
If you can?

Forget your lust for the rich man's gold
All that you need is in your soul,
And you can do this if you try.
All that I want for you my son,
Is to be satisfied.

(Chorus)

Boy, don't you worry... you'll find yourself.
Follow you heart and nothing else.
And you can do this if you try.
All I want for you my son,
Is to be satisfied.

(Chorus)

Sleeping Under the Stars

Kinda, anyway.

I have glow in the dark stars on my ceiling. I didn't put them there; they came with my apartment. But I really, really like them. When I turn out my lights and look up at the stars, they just make me smile.

Things Work Out for the Best

I was at dinner with a friend last night (my friend whose house I was supposed to go to for Shabbos) when I realized that I was supposed to be at a shiur. It was a shiur I had been looking forward to, so I was disappointed that I had missed it. It had completely slipped my mind.

I e-mailed the friend who I was supposed to go with to see if she had attended (because the truth was, I was surprised she hadn't called and reminded me). It turns out the shiur is actually tonight. Yay! I got a second chance, and I got to enjoy dinner with my friend.

Lazy Sunday

For the past three hours, I've been enjoying iMesh, courtesy of the vast knowledge bank that we typically call Sara K. I've downloaded such a large store of music to keep me happy for the next several weeks. Other than that, I've pretended to study for a few minutes (but come on, it's material I already know, I don't have to study so hard), and have done laundry. It's nice to relax for a little while :)

Yuck

Another reason to be really, really careful with bagged salad, apart from kashrut reasons.

LOTD

The Lyrics of the Day are courtesy of the Goo Goo Dolls:

Iris (one of my favorite songs)

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
Verse 2

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
Chorus

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
Verse 3

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive

Chorus

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
Chorus

I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

Duane Reade Owns Manhattan

Ok, I know I've posted before about my appreciation for the fact that there is a ubiquitiously-placed Duane Reade on every corner and I can purchase a new nail color or glittery make-up at any hour I wish. I also really enjoy the $5 coupons they reward you with for spending $100 on their overpriced merchandise.

What I had no idea of was the fact that Duane Reade really is Manhattan. I was instructed by a client to send a letter to "Reed" Street (my spelling). When attempting to find the correct spelling of the street, I discover it's actually "Reade" and there is a "Duane" street to accompany it!

Chicken

Nope, not talking about Monsey (I feel like that one's been done by all over the blogosphere by now, in addition to a Shabbos discussion about it).

One of my homework assignments for this week was to ask two people who know me well, one relative and one friend, to name one thing they like about me and one thing they dislike about me. I consider myself fairly self-aware, so I didn't think I would be terribly surprised by the responses. But I have to admit that I took the cowardly way out - I specifically did not choose a particular family member. Because I know my frustrations are often taken out on that person. And I didn't know if I wanted to hear what this person would say. I'm chicken, amongst the other negative things that my friend and relative came up with.

Lookin' Good

I had yet another co-worker (this makes about the 4th or 5th, and there aren't that many people in my office) tell me today that she thought I was 22 years old. She said she knew that I was in graduate school, or she would have guessed even younger. I told her it was because, in addition to good genes in my family, it's because I'm so immature. She agreed. (Okay, she was nicer than that.)

Productivity

It's amazing how unproductive I sometimes manage to be at work. It's a wonder no one has figured it out yet. What's interesting is that I seem to have certain times of the day when I am more or less productive. The way I know this is that I have been working on a database project for the last couple months that inadvertently tracks the time of day I input records. Early morning - very, very low. Mid-morning - a little bit of work gets done. Early afternoon - very low once again. Around 3:30 until 5 - I am amazingly productive as I realize how little work I've completely during the day and I hurry, hurry, hurry to get something done so my entire day isn't a complete waste. Which is funny considering that is the time of day when I always feel I have the least energy (aka - naptime).

XGH

I've never been a huge Godol Hador reader (his posts are typically too long for my taste) but this post on his comeback blog is excellent. Check it out.

Orthodox Classmates

I have another Orthodox woman in each of my classes this semester. This may not sound like such a big deal, and the truth is, it isn't necessarily, but when I thought about it, I realized that it is the first time ever that I have ever been in class with another Orthodox Jew (at least that I know of). All through elementary, middle and high school, I was often the only Jew in my class, sometimes even the school. And in college, while there were a couple other Orthodox students at my university in Baltimore, I actually don't think there were any others in my particular progam, and never in my classes. So it's unusual for me to have someone in each of my classes this semester.

I'm quite impressed with them also. One of the women is in the PhD program at my (Catholic) university. The other is in her late-40's and works at a Bais Yacov in a very chasidish/yeshivish community. And this is the second Master's degree that she is working on.

The prospects of getting a PhD myself are looking brighter and brighter - if they can do it, so can I!

Security Reasons

My school has this habit of assigning different usernames and passwords for each and every different thing that they require you to log in to. For example, I have a different username and password for my school's e-mail system, registration system, and our school's special bulletin board page. When inquiring whether it's possible to change any of these, the answer is no, for security reasons. How do they expect us to remember so many different logins? Why isn't it better security for us to choose our own username and passwords, so that they aren't easily figured out by any other student?

"Sweetie"

I am once again being accosted by people who don't know me at all taking the liberty of calling me "sweetheart" or "sweetie." It's not that these people don't know my name - they do (even if they can't pronounce it correctly). I know it's not that big of a deal, but it does annoy me. And I don't quite know how to politely ask someone (especially a client) to refrain from being quite so familiar. Is it just me, or does everyone get this?

9-11 - Five Years Past

There is a quiet in the city this morning. I feel like an outsider - I never saw the Twin Towers, I didn't know anyone who was killed, I had been to New York only one night (and never Manhattan), on September 11, 2001. I was living in Atlanta five years ago, and while I certainly was affected and shaken and upset about what happened, it was nothing like how those who lived here were touched. Which is why I can't write a full post about it - I don't feel like I have the right.

Interesting Morning

It's been an interesting morning already. So far, I've had one co-worker show me her bare chest, and received a rose from another co-worker. Along with one of our clients threatening to cancel his account, with the response from my boss being that he doesn't care. What else am I in store for today?

Plaigarism

I have, in the past, written about a lot of the books I read for school, mainly because I really enjoyed them. Today, one of the referrers to this blog was Turnitin.com, which is a website that professors use to check for plaigarism. My professors always threatened us with death if we plaigarize - I'm very sorry to see that my blog has now been the source for that - it's such a cheat for a person to take someone else's work as their own, mainly cheating themselves. Yuck :(

I'm So Excited

I just talked to one of my oldest friends, pretty much the only one that I have been in good touch with from Alabama. She's been hiking the Appalachian Trail for the past few months (she made it all the way from Georgia to Virginia last summer - all on her own two feet) and she's now in New Jersey! We're reserving Sunday for us to get together and catch up - I can't wait!

It's That Time Again

The air is crisp, it's gotten cooler out, I immensely enjoyed my Labor Day weekend. All of which mean...it's back to school. I have my first class of the semester tonight - group counseling. Should be quite interesting. While I know my schedule is going to be challenging, I'm ready to be back to it, I always kinda miss school when I'm on break.

So Sweet

My co-workers are so amazingly good to me. As a thanks for helping her out (aka - doing my job) one of my co-workers brought me a collection of bath products designed to pamper my feet. Which I've actually really been needing, seeing as how I managed to hurt my foot a couple months ago and it's only getting worse. I'm so touched by the thoughfulness and kindness of the people I work with.

Books

I need to get down to Baltimore for my fix of the Book Thing or I'm going to spend all my money on books (and not JUST my textbooks). All I have to do is start browing through Amazon.com and all of a sudden, there's a whole list of books that I want to read, that I can't wait to read...I shouldn't be allowed on certain websites or in bookstores (at least not when I am waiting for a paycheck and have bills to pay).

Hebrew Name and Birthday

This is pretty cool. I already knew what they had to say about my name, but not my birthday. Enjoy!

Nightmares

I really, really hate having nightmares, especially when they could actually happen. I think I need to go back to sleep to replace them (I wish!).