Little Sympathy
Is it wrong that I don't have a huge amount of sympathy for families asking for charity to marry their children off? When I know that the money is going to go to support a married couple who will have a bigger wedding than is necessary, where the husband will likely not be working, the wife will also very possibly not be working, and despite the fact that they will be living off the charity of others, they will not hesitate to have a child within a year of marriage, and probably not stop there.
Wouldn't it make more sense to find these couples jobs so that they can support themselves and send them to financial management classes? Wouldn't it have been a better idea for the parents who are in such debt that they can't afford the expenses of a wedding and setting up a life for their child (which, if you ask me, shouldn't be the responsiblity of the parents anyway, I think if someone is ready for marriage, they should also be prepared to support themselves) to have their children working in order to help support the family and/or saving up for when they do want to get married?
I understand that learning Torah full-time is an ideal, but it is also an ideal for families to be self-sufficient, rather than living off the charity of others. I think the system of huge families living in poverty and passing down the tradition to their children is faulty and needs repair, soon.
posted by Shoshana @ 10:00 AM
3 Comments:
I understand that learning Torah full-time is an ideal
Is it?
This is actually a relatively modern concept. The Avot were farmers first, scholars second. Most Tanaim, Amoraim and Rishonim - most of our sages for most of our history - did NOT learn Torah full-time. Instead, they had trades. Many farmed. Others were doctors or smiths. In fact, there is the concept that Shabbat only really has any weight as a day of rest if you work the rest of the week.
There is a concept in the Gemara that in every village, there were supposed to be a few people who were supported to do nothing but learn torah - but that just means every community should have a few people who are paid to be religious leaders, or a few retired elders who are supported and respected for being steeped in knowledge.
The idea of the common man - of the rank and file - of EVERYONE - learning Torah full-time? That's a very modern phenomenon, and, some would argue, a perversion of authentic Judaism's intent.
LT -
I totally agree with you. When I said that learning Torah full-time is an ideal, I actually meant an ideal that few get the opportunity to actualize. I often point out the fact that the kollel system was meant for the best and the brightest, not every single guy who doesn't want to actually work for a living. I think the fact that gaining a college education and the prospect of earning a living has been stigmatized is a horrible detriment to Orthodox society and it is not going to be able to go on for another generation as those who are getting married now and are being supported by families who can't support them to begin with is going to quickly break down. The next generation is not going to be able to support these practices and they are going to (hopefully) be forced to realize that the system is not working and maybe, just maybe, people are going to have to learn how to support themselves.
It is a flawed system. You aren't being insensitive at all.
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