Telling People What They Need to Hear
It's very difficult to know when you should keep your mouth shut and when you should say something that might possibly be hurtful in the short-term, but helpful in the long run. You don't want to push sensitive buttons, but you see someone, someone who is close to you, who needs a "kick in the butt" so to speak. I have a very hard time doing this, with all but a very few people. But the truth is, the few people that I am capable of doing it with, end up appreciating it.
How do you balance standing aside and watching someone continue to hurt themselves with the desire to not hurt them yourself with what they need (but very possibly don't want) to hear?
posted by Shoshana @ 12:39 PM
2 Comments:
I agree with YM, though I'm not sure it can't be affecting you. I'd add that if there's a way for them to get it through hinting, try to do so; if not, then sometimes you have to bite the bullet.
Sadly, I feel like we may need to do this to a bunch of friends in the near future - those who are dating seem to really go off the deep end on certain things. Holding people to impossible standards, when it's not really good for you or what you need seems to be a favorite. Double standards are up there too (it's okay if I do, but if he/she does...).
YM -
It's hard, because while I am not being affected by the situations I am seeing, I do se how it affects my friends, and that hurts me. What holds me back most of the time is whether I think saying anything will actually do any good, because not everyone is going to listen to me, and I don't want to hurt the relationship in the process.
Ezzie -
I hear you on the dating thing, I have had friends been told very directly that what they were looking for is unrealistic, and sometimes it worked, sometimes it backfired. I think the best way to do it is to make clear that the message is coming from a place of love and concern. But that's really hard.
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