I am going to Birmingham for Thanksgiving to be with my family - my parents, brothers, grandparents, great-aunts and uncles will all be there. I didn't want to go, but I felt really obligated to take part. It's really hard being there, with Shabbos and kashrut. And it is weird to be in the town that I used to call home, but I am a guest in my mother's home (literally, I stay in the guest room) and am not especially welcome in my father's home. There is very little left that is familiar about a city that I used to really love.
I realized today, when thinking about my lack of desire to visit, that I used to get very upset that my father didn't seem to feel the desire to see or visit me. And I realized that I now don't have the desire to visit or see my family. The thing that I used to get so hurt by is something that I am now engaging in. And that is hypocritical, which is something that I really hate, more than most other traits in people.
So I am going. I am not excited nor looking forward to it. I have to figure out what I will do for Shabbos while I am there, because it is not going to be easy. But I am going.
posted by Shoshana @ 10:54 PM
3 Comments:
In one sense isn't it hypocritical to go if you don't really want to be there?
Unless you plan to let everyone know that you don't really want to be there.
I don't see it as hypocritical. I see it as an obligation to my family. We do many things each day in following the Torah that are obligatory in act, rather than things that we desire doing. For example, I wear long sleeves in the summer and skirts in the winter, and abstain from eating non-kosher food because this is my obligation as a Jew. It doesn't mean I necessarily enjoy these things, but I wouldn't call them hypocritical acts either. I feel obligated to visit my family this Thanksgiving, because I know what it means to them, and the truth, I know it is important to not only honor my parents, but to see them in general, to make them happy. It doesn't mean I will enjoy every minute, but it is something I do because it is the right thing.
I'll concede the point; "hypocritical" is too strong a word. However, kashrus and tznius are different in my mind since they are not something interpersonal. A kosher burger will not be upset if you don't show it the appreciation it deserves because you still remember the taste of a Big Mac.
I can't comment on your situation since I don't know you, but in my experience forcing yourself to feel a particular way is much harder. Especially with parents.
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