Baal Teshuvah Stigma
I have been going to a friend here in Passaic for Shabbos quite frequently. She is someone that I knew, but not well, when we both lived in Baltimore, before she got married about a year ago.
It's so funny, because she keeps commenting to me that, if she didn't know it, she would never guess that I am a baal teshuvah. Because I seem so normal, and not extreme, and just seem to fit in. I tell her that I have been frum for a long time, that at some point I was more extreme than I am now, but I have kind of evened-out at this point.
Do baal teshuvah's really come across as so weird? I guess some do, but I feel like there are enough "normal" (whatever that means) ones out there to balance it out.
posted by Shoshana @ 10:19 AM
6 Comments:
Yes, some definitely come across as weird. Often they're weird because BTs define Judaism for themselves and don't fit into neat little categories the way FFBs do. And sometimes it's just that they have a fervor that FFBs don't. It also partly depends on what group they were associated with when they became frum -- Lubavitch, Boston, Aish HaTorah, etc. -- and in what country -- Israel, America, etc.
Yet, once I met a ger who was so normal/typical, that I never even suspected that he was one until someone told me.
Debbie -
I like to think that there many of us "normal" BT's out there. I think one of the reasons BT's have such a stigma is that, for many, the reasons that drew them to becoming a BT, such as a desire for an extreme spiritual outlet, or need for someone to tell them how to live every aspect of their lives, is what caused them to become religious in the first place. I think that many would be "weird" no matter which community they ended up affiliating with, whether it is Orthodox Judaism, Jews for Jesus, or some other extreme religious stream. On the other hand, I think there are many BT's who have a love and see the emes in Torah and choose to make it a part of their everyday lives, not necessarily "going off the deep end" with it (though I am sure there are many who would think they have anyway, just in contrast to th way they lived their lives prior to becoming religious).
Good point that maybe some of these people were weird to begin with. But the stigma attached to dating BTs or gerim has little to do with weirdness. It's mostly snobbiness. I mean, these days, even not using a white tablecloth on Shabbos can hurt your chances of getting a shidduch. It makes you wonder who the weird people really are.
I'm so glad you guys are friends! (Does this count as a shidduch for me? LOL)
Some BT's come across as "BT-ish" because they simply do not have the knowledge of day-to-day frum living that FFB's have. This may seem "weird" to some.
wattwatt - I think you are right that it just takes some time before a BT finds their comfort zone and can be considered "normal" (though I think there are those who go off the deep end and never managed to get back on, probably FFBs as well).
I never thought about the word verification spelling my name, but that would be cool!
Sara -
I definitely think you get credit for a shidduch! Thanks!
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