Good Company

I went to a movie and dinner with a friend last night that I don't see often enough. I miss her.

I often have dinner with friends, but this was just really comfortable, relaxed, nothing over the top. Just catching up on life, discussing real issues, connecting. It was great, simple and wonderful. It's these moments that you want to capture and hold onto.

Bus Conversations

Usually, when I am on the bus, unless I am sitting with a friend, there is no conversation. Last night, I got on the most crowded bus I have ever been on, with the most interesting driver (she really enjoys her job). The woman sitting next to me was visiting from Santa Fe, and as we rode, we shared our lived with each other a little. It was nice to connect to a stranger at the end of a long day. She was so cheerful, even though she didn't really know where she was going. I made sure she got off at the right place, and told her to enjoy her visit. It's these chance encounters that really color life.

Insomnia Kickbacks

I am really tired today - my insomnia was kicking in again last night. I just don't understand why it's so hard to fall and stay asleep sometimes. You would think my body would agree with the logic of my brain that sleep is good and I need it in order to function. But some nights, insomnia steps up to the plate and hits a homerun - yay! Shoshana sleeps fewer hours once again! It's amazing what sleep (or lack of it) can do for a person.

Animal Emotion

My boss brings her dog (R) to work every day. R is friendly once he gets to know you (which entails throwing him a ball several times). But he is very attached to my boss and doesn't really like sharing his space or attention. R is an Australian sheepdog (one blue eye, one brown eye), which is a good sized dog, probably about 40 pounds.

Another of my coworkers just got a puppy (T). A miniature dachshund. T probably weighs no more than 2 pounds. T has lots of energy and has been busy exploring all over the office, including in R's cage and bowls.

R is so not happy. He won't let T go near him, he runs away from this tiny puppy who is just a slice of his size. He is so hurt every time my boss goes near T, and he hides and pouts and refuses to play. He is also really mad at the coworker who brought the new puppy. R won't let this co-worker some near him, he cowers and shrinks from his touch.

It's funny to see such emotion from an animal. They are like children in a way, unable to hide their feelings. I remember having debates in school about whether animals feel emotion. Now I have no doubt.

Believe in Me

I have been fortunate in my life to have a couple people believe in me more than I sometimes believe in myself. It is amazing what a boost that is, and what can be accomplished with that presence.

It makes me hope that, if not now, maybe someday I will do that for someone else.

Nice Jewish Girl Update

Nice Jewish Girl broke up with her boyfriend - do me a favor, no matter what you think, give her some comfort. I don't think she needs the condemnation right now.

Airport Reflections

Some thoughts I had while sitting in the airport (for a LONG time) over the weekend:

- I really like my e-mail, but I can deal without it for a couple hours. Some people can't. The woman I sat next to on one of my flights had her Blackberry out and thumbs were flying through the entire flight. I didn't even know they worked in the air.

- It was amazing the difference in pace and kindness once we crossed the Mason-Dixon line. The sound of those Southern accents wishing me a happy Thanksgivin' and smilin' at me was so nice.

- Flip flops and fur coats just don't really go together. I would wear one, but definitely not the other. (Though I do have furry-looking flip flops, but they are VERY obviously fake, due to the turquoise blue hue of the said fur.)

- Airports are the place for such happiness and such sadness. Happiness at seeing those loved ones and being reunited. Sadness at leaving them. It's amazing to me how two opposites can be so closely related. I find this in many spheres of life. Irony, I guess it is.

I still have a job...

I told my boss about my trip to Israel. She wasn't incredibly enthusiastic about the dates I chose, but she isn't going to fire me. Yay!

Reflection

It's interesting how our attitudes are often a reflection of those we are interacting with. With some people, I feel I am at my best, because they bring it out of me. In others, I am my worst, because I am reflecting what I feel from them. I wish it was easier to be my best in all situations, or at least to really stay away from those who bring out the bad. But it's not always possible.

Being a Tourist

I took a walk during lunch, despite the bitter cold, and let myself be enchanted by New York City during the holidays. I took a stroll through Macy's and ended up in Herald Square. There were actually video cameras filming the scene. There were so many people wandering around, gazing at the sights. The windows of Macy's had animated scenes that crowds hovered around, watching with delight. It was really cute, and it actually gave me good feelings towards New York. It's good to be able to see through the eyes of a tourist once in a while.

Brrrr

It is so cold out. Might even be snow in the forecast for tomorrow (though hopefully not enough to keep my plane on the ground). Walking to work this morning was quite the task. The only thing that kept me a little bit happy was the knowledge that I was wearing my really cute new hat. But next time, I need to remember the matching scarf - not only will I be all coordinated, hopefully I will be a bit warmer as well!

Israel!

I'm going to Israel!!!!!

Creativity

I made a Mazel Tov sign for my roommate last night. I had so much fun making it - I used construction paper and glitter and paint and some other fun stuff. It turned out so pretty. I get so happy when I am creative, it honestly made me start thinking that I should make art my profession in some way. Maybe art therapy at some point.

Making It

I was online last night chatting with a friend of mine who happens to be married. All of a sudden, he requested the right to vent. Of course, I indulged him in his desire. All of a sudden, he was berating a comment placed on OnlySimchas regarding someone who got engaged as having "made it."

He was very upset about this, because, as he said, it's not that it's so easy to "make it." It's not that people aren't trying to get married - a lot of things are out of their control. Sometimes it's up to Hashem to find the right timing for someone to be married. And the fact that a person should be striving to "make it," regardless of other factors, really offended him on behalf of singles.

I was blown away by his sensitivity towards singles. And I appreciated his vehemence of being upset on behalf of those he knows who want to be married, but don't see it as "making it" or as being part of a club. Who have hurdles in front of them that they don't necessarily have control over. It's good to have friends like that.

Sparkly (not pens)

My roommate got engaged the other night. She and her chosson are older; he's never been married and she had a very brief marriage. She is sparkly. There is no other word for it. Her eyes are lit up and her entire being radiates happiness. It brings tears to my eyes every time I even think about it.

Winning and Losing

You win some, you lose some. And some, maybe you tie. But the important thing is that you learn from each, and you are the best you can be through it all. That way, you can hold your head tall and walk away winning, even if it's not the prize you were seeking.

Have a good Shabbos.

What's in it for the Guys?

I have been reflecting on dating lately, and coming up a bit short. Fine, a girl has to do her hair and makeup and pick out something nice to wear. The guy definitely doesn't have to put in as much effort on that end. But the guy has to pay for whatever entertainment is being offered, for meals, for transportation. He is expected to hold open doors, to drive, to makes the calls and ask the girl out. What do the guys get for all that? Our presence? I don't know, I think a lot of my friends would hate my right now for saying it, but I think the guys might be getting the raw end of the deal. Anyone, please chime in and help me figure this one out. I kind of feel a little bad.

Yum

Fresh fruit when it is winter outside (okay, at least pretty cold out) is so yummy. Makes me happy.

Good Moods

It really makes me happy to know that my friends are in good moods. Good moods are contagious.

So Mean

I really like being an individual. Therefore, I would just like to state for the record that I think it is very mean when a person specifically tries to make me feel like everyone else. Just sayin'. You know who you are.

All's Quiet

I came home tonight after a long day of work and school and my apartment was quiet. My roommates were not there. And it was so nice.

Another Reason I Love Port Authority

I have gone on record in the past for my love of the fact that Port Authority Bus Terminal has virtually everything a person might want, and usually at any crazy time of day you happen to be there. Tonight, once again, it lived up to my expectations.

I have been looking for some pretty jewelry for a while now, and haven't managed to find what I was looking for. By chance, I stopped at the jewelry kiosk in Port Authority today and found exactly what I was looking for. As I informed the woman working there that she was going to become my best friend, because her stuff was so pretty, she gave me a discount, a coupon and told me she liked me. What a good feeling - I wasn't bargaining for all that!

Editing

I know my blog posts aren't the best edited, but you would think that if someone took the effort to write a textbook, they would take the effort to have it edited. The textbook for my current class, which I admittedly have only read a small portion of, is one of the most poorly written books I have seen. Typos, spelling errors and just plain pitiful writing. If I didn't know what I wanted to do with myself, I would consider copy-editing for textbook publishers - they sure need the help.

To Remember

When I get frustrated about those things in my life that are hard that seem to easy for others...

I have to remember to keep in mind that my challenges are my challenges, and the things that come easily to me don't necessarily come easily to others. Each person has their own battles, their own mountains to climb and their own learning experiences.

Books

I walked past the New York Public Library last night. What a place. I didn't go in, but there is something about it that just draws me. I think I could live there (if the Bus Station was otherwise occupied).

I love books so much, and wish I had so much more time to read. Just the fact that you can find a book on virtually any topic you want, and sometimes way more than you could ever imagine. Books are the one thing that manages to catch my eye every time I pass them.

To see such a massive place dedicated to books and knowledge just blows me away. I love it.

Tidbits

I have a whole lot going on in my head and while I know that's what this blog is for, I am still have trouble working them out enough to even post here (or decide what I am comfortable posting at all).

So, here are some very vague thoughts:

- Do you ever have those moments of "Wow, I can't believe that." But not in a good way. And then you feel bad.

- I sometimes feel bad sharing good news. It's hard to know how to balance sharing the good things in your life with trying to not rub it in to others who might not be having the same experiences.

- I am not being my usual, extremely responsible self lately. Late bills, not studying for exams. I am blaming it on still not being completely adjusted to my move. I hope that's what it is.

- I also am finding that I just have no focus. I want to pay attention to many things, but I still have trouble remembering things. I feel like I used to be much better.

Ok, enough for now.

Small Talk

I often hear many people complain about the idle small talk that so many engage in. If no one can stand it, why does everyone do it?

Davening Request

My friend's mother is undergoing surgery tomorrow (Wednesday). Please daven for a refuah shleimah for Shifra bas Frida.

Thank you.

The Met...

AKA...why I actually do like New York.

I know I have been fairly negative about New York. So here is a post about how cool it is. I went to the Met (that's the Metropolitan Museum of Art) yesterday for the first time. It was actually my first trip to a museum in New York. I was in heaven. I love art and there is something for every taste there, and certainly lots for me to enjoy. I wandered around for about three hours and I felt like I had passed ten times more than I could take in. And I missed a ton of stuff. I could probably spend a week straight there and not get bored.

The works there are so amazing - everything from incredibly historic pieces thousands of years old to modern art that I don't get at all. Egypt, Mexico, France, Africa. It's all there to be seen. If I could have changed one thing about the museum, I would have just made it a little less crowded. But the truth is I was so excited to see so many people there enjoying art that I didn't even care that much. And some of the less famous exhibits were quiet and calm.

It was a wonderful afternoon of art. Can't wait to go back.

Thank You!

I just wanted to send out a big "thank you" to Ze'ev for sending me pictures of one of my favorite shops ever, all the way from the Old City in Jerusalem. The last time I was there, I don't think digital cameras were even in existence yet (and if they were, not everyone had one they way they do now), so I had to suffice by bugging the owner for stickers and cards from the shop. But now I have great pictures of the store with my name on it:

Forwarded but Well Worth Reading

I generally hate forwarded e-mails, but this one was wonderful and I wanted to share it with everyone else.

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back. The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their home s, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.

Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.

As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by.

Although the other man couldn't hear the band - he could see it. In his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.

Days and weeks passed.

One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside.

He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed.

It faced a blank wall. The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.

The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.

She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."

Epilogue:

There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations.

Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.

If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy.

"Today is a gift, that's why it is called the present."

Snow!!!

On my way to work this morning, I saw a few flakes of snow. I couldn't believe it. My first thought was "What the heck am I doing so far North???"

It's going to be a long winter, but at least I have a really cute hat and scarf to wear - it makes a huge difference.

Stay warm everyone!

Magic Wand

Sometimes I wish I could just wave a big magic wand around and solve my friends' problems.

And sometime I just wish I could wave a magic wand - that would be fun all by itself.

Great Name

One of my co-workers just asked me if I was glad to have the name Shoshana. I told him that while I hated it growing up, because it was so different, and it always got mispronounced, I really like it now. He told me that it is a great name. I agree.

Kindness

I was told last night that I have an abundance of kindness. This, from a person who I did nothing more than listen to when it was needed. It doesn't take a lot to make a difference in someone's life.

Adventure On

My Big Adventure, which was put on hold for quite a while, is now back on, for Thanksgiving weekend.

Stay tuned!

Better with Age

I have to agree with this one.

People Hurt

People hurt. I try really hard not to be the reason for the pain, but sometimes I fail. That really bothers me. Even when I am not the reason for the pain, I wish I could take it away.

Soup Time

I used to make soup all the time, but with the summer and my move, I hadn't done it in a really long time. Tonight I came home, chopped up veggies and made a big pot of such yummy matzo ball soup. It really hit the spot. If I have to live through winter in the North, it will be with soup as an accompaniment.

I Miss Driving

When I lived in Baltimore, I spent half an hour driving each way to work. It was really a good time for me to get my thoughts processed and many times, that would be my crying time, since there was no one else around.

Riding the bus just isn't the same. I do get to process my thoughts, but I'm just not that comfortable crying amidst numerous random strangers (and occasionally someone I know).

I miss driving.

People Do Understand

Sometimes it's good to get things out. And it feels really good when the person you are getting it out with is going through the same things. For both people. And maybe it would happen more often if people would really talk to each other, rather than around each other. But that's the hard part sometimes.

Yum

Because my roommate has been in the North all of her life, she has been deprived of the Southern delicacy known as biscuits. For those of you who also have been in the North all of your lives, these are not anything like tea biscuits or dog biscuits. They are similar to a roll, but flaky and so yummy. This is a biscuit.

My roommate was very impressed with the biscuits and told me emphatically that I am not allowed to make them very often. They were so yummy. Good ole Southern cooking.

Go me!

I am feeling so accomplished today. I went to Target, bought myself a wrench and a new showerhead and installed it all by myself. I even turned it on, and it works! Go me!

Something to Remember

I have a friend who told me the following story.

She is single, and was having a hard time so she went to speak to a Rebbetzin that she respects very much. She spoke to this rebbetzin, telling her that she felt like she wasn't being a very good person, that she wasn't proud of her actions.

The rebbetzin looked at her and told her that being single is incredibly difficult and one of the hardest time periods in a person's life. She told my friend that because it is so hard, each and every day she should pat herself on the back and count all the things that she didn't do wrong.

I think I need to remember that.

My Boss

I have to admit, as boring as my job is, it does have it's perks. For one, unlimited Internet access all day long with very few other demands on my time. But also, my boss is so good to me. I left so early today and when she came to me with something to do right before I had to leave, she had absolutely no problem waiting until Monday. It's really nice working for someone so flexible.

Not Enough Sleep

Something's wrong with my apartment. Everyone living there was up by six this morning, and two-thirds of us before that (and some of us even grocery shopping at that hour). I thought it would be my opportunity to get things done without distraction - didn't really turn out that way. We are considering asking our landlord for a rent reduction due to the beating our productivity at work is taking due to lack of sleep.

But on the bright side, apparently my brain works well enough at that ungodly hour to be able to spell the word acquiesce correctly and to use the word "bifurcating" (I know someone who really likes that word). I guess I was channeling my inner-SAT-taker too early this morning.

Cat Update

I spoke with my friend who has adopted my cat yesterday. She said he is having a great time running around outside and they just adore him. I am happy to know that he is in such good hands.

What I thought was really cute is that she told me that she got a collar for him, with tag with her phone number on it, in case he should ever wander too far away from home. And on the tag, she also put his full name - with my last name.

Even adopted by others, he will know he's mine.

More IM conversations

Just to make my friend not feel left out, IM conversations that involve cheerleaders, invisible suits and twins are plenty bizarre (and amusing, and of course, thought-provoking as well) also.

Accents

After all of my travels for the holidays, I finally am starting to feel like I am settling in and feelink like New Jersey is becoming home. But I am still not used to the accents here! I sit at my desk listening to my co-workers, and I still find the way they talk highly amusing. I guess they probably the way I talk is amusing though. I just found out the other night, than in addition to Thanksgiving, I also say the word insurance differently (because it's not wrong, it's just different, despite what the dictionary says).

Oh, but I did learn that the word "reckon" is used not only in the South, but in England as well. Seems as if England and Alabama have more than just Birmingham in common!

In and Out

It is weird how people fall into and out of and back into your life sometimes. Just when you get used to them not being there, they pop up again. It's hard to take sometimes. And I am not sure which one is harder - the falling out, or the falling back in. You get used to being without someone, then all of a sudden, there they are, reminding you of so many things that you once missed, or didn't miss, or wasn't sure whether to miss or not. You had put those memories away, into your "past times" box. And in a moment, it all comes back out. And again, you don't quite know whether you are better off with or without.

Ring, Ring

Sometimes, it feels good to NOT answer the phone.

Dishonesty

I have a really hard time being dishonest. I can avoid answering a question, I can be a bit sketchy at times, I can evade revealing information that I don't want to disclose.

But I can't lie. Not even when I want to. When I am asked a direct question, I have no other alternative but to tell the truth. I suppose this is a good thing, but sometimes I kind of wish I could.

Two Sides of a Coin

It amazes me how two people, both part of the same conversation, can read things so differently.

Postal Employees

I am not sure who the postmen were who went psycho, but I just met the nicest Postal employee.

I went into this huge post office, expecting to see a line around the block. I went in, and was the only person there. I stepped up to the counter and explained to the man that I wanted to send my package to France. He was so nice and friendy, joking around with me. He put stickers on my package and when I told him that I really like stickers, he gave me some extras. I walked out with him wishing me well and giving me a big smile in addition to the stickers.

I think all the disgruntled employees should meet him.

Blue Fingernails

I was on the phone last night for a long time. I have a habit of doing more than one thing at once, so while talking, I absentmindedly decided to paint my fingernails. When I paint my nails, I usually take some time trying to determine which color I am in the mood for. Because I was preoccupied with my phone conversation, I kind of just plucked the color out of my bag that grabbed my attention the quickest and started painting. When I was about half-done, I looked down and realized that my nails were electric blue.

I realize that electric blue is not a normative color for fingernails, and I am grateful for the fact that I work in a super-casual office. While my office is super-casual, my blue nails have been commented on several times this morning, thankfully in an amused tone, rather than condescending one (my co-workers have good humor). I usually reserve blue for summer, when I feel the need to break out and have a little more fun. Oh well, maybe this is my way of protesting the impending cold that I feel already descending upon this northern city I have moved myself to.

Bizarre Conversations

Sometimes, a conversation just flows in a weird direction and you just let it. And you know, sometimes those are the best.

Yesterday I had an IM conversation with a friend that included the topics of pregnancy, elephants, Halloween (quite suddenly), My Little Ponies and painted tushes, oompa loompas and music-enhanced Frumster profiles. Oh yeah, and dinner.

Maybe not the most appropriate conversation to be having while at work, but entertaining nonetheless.